This is why I don't fit

OK, to get straight to the point, I'm a Mormon, vegetarian, Aston Villa supporting Englishman.  This in itself might not put me in this position of displacement that I allude to until you understand where I live.  I live in the country that provides views like this

and has fabulous old churches like this

Yes, I live in Norway. The land of ice and snow, the home of the Nobel peace prize and beneficiary of immense oil wealth. That pretty much sums up what most people know about Norway but there's a lot more to this land so richly blessed by nature. 

So why don't I fit as a Mormon? Well the Mormon Church, or to give it it's correct and full name, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints or LDS for short, is such a small organisation here that you would be forgiven, as a Norwegian, for having never heard of us. Norway is geographically not small, being slightly larger than the entire UK including Northern Ireland, but there are only about 5 million people here. Of these 5 million only about 4500 are members of the LDS church. You may be wondering what bearing this has on my "fitting", after all, it's not like the LDS church is a strange cult that removes people from society and the normal meanderings of life.  Well there are 3 things that pretty much everyone "knows" about Mormons; 1. We have large families, 2. We all have several wives (actually, anyone practicing plural marriage will be excommunicated from the Church but why let reality get in the way of these "facts"?) and 3. we don't drink alcohol.  As a non-drinker I often find myself isolated when in the company of Norwegians.  In general Norwegians don't really do social drinking, they drink to get drunk and the concept of someone who never does this is almost openly laughed at.  So I'm in a minority group that does not take part in one of Norway's top 3 activities, skiing, drinking and eating pizza.

I also mentioned that I'm a vegetarian, something unusual but not unheard of among Latter Day Saints and, according to government statistics, I was one in 10 in my age group when I resided in the UK. Norway is the land of the carnivore.  You may think that people in the UK and US eat a lot of meat but in Norway it's a way of life, meat, usually on an open sandwich, with every meal.  A typical day, for your average Norwegian, might consist of ham sandwiches for breakfast, ham and cheese sandwiches for lunch, pork chop with potatoes and carrots for dinner and then back to ham sandwiches for supper. The concept of a meal without meat seems to be something rarely considered by the average Norwegian. I, therefore, exclude myself from Norway's 4th most popular activity, eating hotdogs.

In some respects I am the stereotypical Englishman and one of these is my love of football. This is appreciated by many Norwegians, indeed, they are almost as enthusiastic about the beautiful game as the aforementioned stereotypical Englishman.  This however, is where the similarities end, while a Norwegian will often support their local team they pretty much all place most of their "support" behind one of 5 premier league teams, Liverpool, Manchester United, Arsenal, Chelsea and latterly Manchester City. As mentioned, Norwegians love to talk football and, upon meeting an Englishman, will pretty much always question them about which team they support.  The thing is, they don't seem to comprehend anyone supporting any English team that is not one of the 5 previously mentioned, "why would you want to support a team that hasn't won anything for years?" they ask.  To which I politely suggest that they have misunderstood the concept of support.

The final point I mentioned for my feelings of displacement is the very fact that I'm an Englishman.  Now whilst Norwegians love the English on a social, if on occasions rather patronising, level, they are not terribly keen on employing them.  This is one thing for which the blame lies firmly at the feet of the average ex-pat Brit living in Norway, they don't learn the language.  Sure, they learn enough to go shopping and complete other menial tasks but they rarely become fluent to a degree that works in a business environment.  I am one of the exceptions to this pattern and, indeed, have gainful employment but you would not believe how difficult it is to get to the interview stage.

So all this said, why am I here?  The technical answer to this is that I married a Norwegian but there has always been the option to move to the UK.  The thing is, despite my gripes, my "not fitting", I do, in my own way, fit quite well.  Like all people Norwegians have their peccadillos, their oddities, preconceptions, phobias and prejudices but once you get past these, once you accept that they are the product of a society with a rich history of isolation due to demographic distribution and geographical extremes, you will find a warm, loving and generous people with humour, curiosity and a desire to learn and embrace all and any opportunities that come their way.  Norway and Norwegians are far from perfect and often drive me to distraction but one thing is for sure, if the day comes that I return to my homeland, there will always be a part of me that stays here, Norway will always be my second home.  I'm not sure I'll ever get used to the winters though.