What matters?

There is an old Norwegian expression that says that the healthy have many wishes but the sick have just one, to become healthy.  I'm not actually sick in any significant way, I have friends with chronic brain diseases, cancer, high blood pressure and many other physical ailments, not to mention those with psychological problems, bi-polar disorder, depression and the like so my mild episodes of asthma, eczema and general lack of fitness resulting in, what internet figures tell me is, obesity seem to pale into insignificance in comparison.

I work in middle management, a mixture of administration, logistics, personnel management and project/change management.  After many years of wandering from job to job, in search of better pay and a level of fulfilment never fully achieved I finally feel blessed in what I do.  I have enough variety in my working day to stop boredom setting in, I have challenges enough to stimulate my intellect and have the privilege of helping people to develop.  Until you have given someone a chance, someone that no one else was willing to take a chance on, helped them, guided them, given them a structure to work within and goals to achieve, assisted in their navigation through the bureaucracy of officialdom and had them sit on the opposite side of the desk to you and sincerely express "Thank you for kicking my butt in such a positive way", as happened to me not so long ago, until you have experienced all these things and watched a life unfold like the flowering of a lilly, you will not understand the blessings I feel when working with such people.  So why do I still feel so incomplete?

This could easily become an esoteric, self indulgent ramble where I explore the depths of my faith or examine my relationships and ponder the fact that being the only boy in a family of 4 children may have left me emotionally unfulfilled.  There may, indeed, be some personal value in this but I fear it would be rather boring for you, the reader, and I'm not really qualified to come to any meaningful conclusion either.  Besides, I think the answer is far less complicated than any answer this type of analysis might offer, I think I need my ego massaged.

Ask any dying person if they have any regrets and it's a fairly safe bet that they will say that they wish they had spent more time with family or cultivating other meaningful relationships.  Family time is something members of my Church are encouraged to prioritise, so although I am sometimes not always satisfied with the quality of time we spend together, we do get plenty of time together and the fact that we live far from my parents, sisters and their families means that we really make the most of the time we have with them, spending time cultivating relationships is no doubt a worthwhile endeavour but not one that I feel is currently lacking in my life.

So what else drives people, what motivates them up to the point that they face their mortality? Why do we strive?  Is it money?  No, not for me anyway, I have had better paid jobs than the one I have now and it was my decision to leave.  Is it success?  Well there is certainly an element of that but what exactly is success?  I have a beautiful family with well adjusted kids, a comfortable car and home and holidays abroad every year, I am respected in my job and over the years have held many responsible positions with my Church.  So I am relatively successful.  Take a look at society, who are the new voices of opinion? Russell Brand, a comedian, interviewed not once but twice by Jeremy Paxman, arguably the UK's leading political interviewer.  Jade Goody, a reality TV contestant, became the "people's princess".  TV presenter Carroll Vorderman, actor Hugh Grant, former pop star and current astrophysics professor Brian Cox, pop stars Jarvis Cocker, Charlotte Church and Will Young and comedian Steve Coogan have all been guests on what was, for many years, British TV's flagship political debate program Question Time.  Why?  The culture of celebrity!

When I was a child a celebrity was someone who had done something to become a person of renown, a sportsman, an actor, a politician, a singer. A celebrity was someone who had done something that raised them above the ordinary, be that happening to be rather more beautiful than Joe average or working tirelessly to find a cure for some debilitating condition, they were people that stood out from the grey lives that most of us lived.  However, celebrity always carried the promise of material wealth and influence, the outward signs of success.  Since the advent of reality TV, YouTube and the like celebrity is seen as achievable for all.  30 years ago, if you had asked a child in school what they want to be when they grow up you were likely to receive such answers as policeman, doctor, nurse, accountant, architect, astronaut or vet with the odd footballer or cricketer thrown in for good measure.  Now you'll just as likely hear answers like "famous" or "I want to win X-Factor" The culture of celebrity has become revered and respected and weather or not I like it I have to admit, it gives people hope, the kind of hope that was never more than a delusional dream for most of my generation.

But why celebrity, what does it offer that a life in politics, business or any other well remunerated profession can't or at least doesn't for the majority?  Well one element has to be the effort involved.  I remember watching the Iron Maiden documentary, 12 wasted years, in which they described how they went on the road, touring with the whole band and all their equipment in one Ford Transit van, travelling, living eating and sleeping in that one small space for months at a time, honing their craft and building up a following, they earned their success, worked for it!  Now a couple of appearances in a nationally televised talent show and the job is done, a few weeks making a fool of yourself locked in a house with a whole group of celebrity chasing wannabes and the status of light entertainer is achieved.  However, despite developments in the media aiding the process I believe it goes much deeper than this, to a base desire to matter.  Our time on this earth is limited, something we become more aware of the older we get and we all want to know that our lives matter, our egos need to believe that when we are gone we will be remembered, we wonder what our legacy will be.  Sure, our families will remember us, for a generation or 2, but what choice do they have, we forced ourselves on them by an act of biology but if I quit my job today, who will remember me and what I achieved here in 5 years time?

I never really knew what I wanted to do when I grew up and I'm not sure I know now.  I do know that I enjoy writing and would like to think that I might be able to forge some sort of career for myself doing that.  That would certainly leave a legacy, perhaps massaging my ego sufficiently to assuage my feelings of incompleteness. Whether or not I have the ability remains to be seen so I'll leave you with the wisdom of a child: Having answered that when he grows up he wants to be happy the teacher explained to the boy that he'd not understood the question to which the boy replied, "I don't think you've understood life".