Over the years I've always been independant and impatient of others when they try to help and don't do things to my expected standard, in many ways I am a control freak, although I didn't realise this until an incident at work a number of years ago. Over the last 3 years or so I have experienced a number of health issues, nothing too serious but all a sign of the wear and tear of entering middle age, especially as I've neglected my own well being by eating a diet including too much junk food and done too little exercise, but all in all I've still kept going without slowing down too much.
As the adage goes, all good things come to an end. After a marathon session, covering several weeks, before Christmas I worked from 12 to 18 hours per day, 6 days a week, to try to get our kitchen and livingroom into usable condition to celebrate with friends, which I managed (with help at certain points from friends and family), but in the process it seems I agrevated a shoulder condition that had been developing since October. It turns out that I now have a frozen left shoulder, a condition for which there is, apparently, no successful treatment and causes some considerable disability of movement. The pain/inflamation can be reduced but essentially, no amount of training, massage, or therapy will help other than to support the muscles surounding the effected area. My physio therapist informs me that it will resolve itself in one to two years.
I know that this is a mild embuggerance compared to some of the things my friends are tackling, heart conditions, bypass surgery, cancer, and I have relatives struggling with Alzheimer's, others with gall stones, and many of the various infermities brought on by aging, not to mention the global Covid-19 pandemic that we are all experiencing the effects of, some more tragically than others. Despite knowing this I'm feeling a little sorry for myself, this has really stopped me in my tracks. The work on the house is still not finished, I don't have the money to pay proffesionals to complete it and I can't see how I can do any meaningful amount of work myself with the smallest amount of effort likely to cause prohibitive levels of pain after just a few minutes. Add to this future plans that need to be carried out just to maintain a decent standard of maintenance, and I'm feeling a little overwhelmed.
I'm lucky that I have good freinds and family with the generosity to help, but I struggle to stand by and whatch them work when I feel that I should be able to contribute so much more myself. And I know, and appreciate how lucky I am to have good friends and family around me (at a socially responsible distance of course 😉 ).
So acknowledging all this, where does this leave me? I guess I'm going to have to take a step back, use these next (potentially) two years to develope other areas of my life, learn a little humility, and become gracious in accepting the kind of help that I've always prided myself on being able to offer others. And perhaps that is the root of my self pity, "the kind of help that I've always prided myself on being able to offer others". It seems that a little humility goes a long way.
As John Donne wrote, "No Man is an Island"
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